


Love Makes Idiots of the Smartest of Men.

by anarchycox



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Bets, Bickering, Feels, Friends to Lovers, Harry Lives, M/M, Misunderstanding, Romance, Sass, Snark, eggsy ships it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 12:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5417210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Merlin are clearly in love. Too bad it seems to have escaped their notice. All the Kingsman have tried (and failed) to get them to realize their undying affection for each other. But they never had Eggsy on the case before.</p>
<p>A Merlahad Secret Santa story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Makes Idiots of the Smartest of Men.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theoldgods (missandei)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=theoldgods+%28missandei%29).



> Hi, so I had a lot of fun writing this and hope that my secret santa person enjoys it. Sorry no smut, but hope that the sass and feels make up for the lack.

After 30 years, Merlin should know better than to be surprised by Harry Hart. But in his defense generally watching your friend get shot point blank in the head would indicate that person was dead.

So it was a bit of a shock when they were just about to confer Eggsy as the new Galahad and Merlin’s private phone rang. Only 4 people in the world had that number.

And only one had the ring tone of the 007 theme. He sighed and pinched his nose under his glasses.

“I’m sorry Arthur, but we cannot confer Mr. Unwin to the rank of Galahad.” Merlin explained.

They had all already been staring at him for the burst of noise from his phone.

“Wot?” Eggsy was in shock, “But Merlin -”

“This is nothing against ye lad.” Merlin reassured him.

“Then what is it Merlin?” Percival, the newly appointed Arthur asked. “Because you were the one to suggest this appointment in the first place.”

Merlin’s phone rang again. “Well that was before I knew the flash bastard was alive, now wasn’t it?”

Merlin answered his phone, put it on speaker. “I’m a little too busy to talk to a dead man.”

“Oh stop your whinging and come get me. They just fed me grits. I am tired of the south. Why I’m still here, I haven’t the faintest notion.”

“Forgive us for thinking that getting shot in the head from 6 feet away would kill someone. Also we were a bit busy saving the world, and then fixing the world.”

“Harry?” Eggsy’s voice had a bit of a quiver, like he was trying to hold back a torrent of emotion, but was barely doing so.

“Yes, Eggsy. I’m alive. Though I don’t know for how long if I have to continue to survive on what the Americans call tea. They keep trying to give me sweet tea. Somebody come collect me.” The phone cut off.

Merlin watched as everyone around the table, the most deadly and fearsome people in the world, actually called not it. All except for Eggsy, and he couldn’t trust Eggsy to collect Harry alone, god knows what trouble the two would get up to.

“Mr. Unwin and I will go retrieve Galahad from Kentucky.” Merlin said.

“Excellent. When Harry is returned home, we will do a proper assessment and go from there. Mr Unwin be assured that there is a place for you here at the table. It may just take a little longer to get it sorted. Good luck to you both. He sounded quite cross.” With that Arthur stood and the meeting was adjourned.

Eggsy followed Merlin down to his office. “We’re leaving right away yeah? I mean can’t leave him hanging. It’s been 4 weeks since he were shot, can only imagine the care he’s been getting. Better to get him home. To our doctors.”

Jesus, he’s worse than his damn dog, Merlin thought. Or worse, he’s a young Harry. Merlin tried to not take his mood out on the lad, he always got grouchy when having to retrieve Harry. “3 hours.”

“So long?” Eggsy was pouting a little.

“We’re likely to be gone a couple days, the job of the Kingsman will not cease during that time. I have to make sure that my subordinates are in place, that everything runs smoothly in my absence. The plane also needs to be properly prepared for the flight. 3 hours Eggsy, how about you go burn some of that energy off in the gym?”

“Right.” Eggsy jogged out of the room. Merlin began to set everything in place.

The flight to Kentucky was long and tense. Well for Eggsy anyways. Merlin slept most of the way there.

He woke up about 40 minutes before their destination.

“How can you be so calm?” Eggsy asked the minute Merlin was awake. Merlin ignored him until he had a cup of tea in his system.

“Because Eggsy, I have known Harry for almost 30 years. This is the fifth time I’ve had to go fetch him. Now granted this is the most extreme of them, but at a certain point I stop being impressed by his ability to not die.” This was of course a lie, Merlin was secretly very impressed with this return from the dead, but he knew better than to show that. Somehow Harry would find out and never shut up about it.

Merlin looked at Eggsy and sighed. He was just so young. “Eggsy he will be fine you know.”

“He got shot in the head and has been in the hospital for four weeks, how could he be fine?”

“Because he’s too annoying not to be.” Merlin said dryly.

“He’s not. He’s amazing yeah? I mean shit you saw the fight, he took out that whole church!”

“And you took out how many of Valentine’s guards?” Merlin replied. “Try not to put Harry’s pedestal up too high, makes it harder to bring him down when you realize he’s not perfect. Might drop him.”

“I know he ain’t perfect, but he is something isn’t he?” Eggsy said.

“That I will agree with.” Merlin replied.

They landed in Kentucky.

**************

“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t just give you information like that.” The nurse at the desk said. “We don’t give out patient details to random strangers.”

“He called us. His name is Harry Hart. He said he was here and asked us to retrieve him, to bring him home to England.” Merlin smiled and sighed when it just seemed to scare the poor woman.

“Look I’m sorry if I sound a bit tense, but I just…” Merlin coughed a little, blinked to make his eyes swim. “I was sure that I had lost my husband in the horrible attacks that day. And then he calls and I drop everything to fly here. I just need to see him, otherwise I’ll nae believe it’s real.”

Merlin watched as the nurse’s face melted. “Oh you dear. Once he woke he did list an emergency contact. Are you -”

“Archibald MacNevin? Aye.”

Merlin could see Eggsy about to laugh and stepped on his foot. “This is Harry’s nephew, Gary, come to assist in any way he can.” He could feel Eggsy’s scowl at his name, but it served him right.

“He was moved out of intensive care just a few days ago, and he started walking again yesterday. He’s up in long term care on the fourth floor, room 408. I’ll let the floor nurses know you are coming up.”

“Thank ye lass.” Merlin bowed his head and she giggled a little, finally charmed.

Merlin strode over to the stairs and started climbing.

“Okay 1: Archibald? Your name is Archibald.”

“Aye and trust me, you cannae come up with a joke that Harry hasn’t over the years, especially the day I finally shaved the last of the hair off.”

“Fine, moving on to point 2. Husband? Wot in the ever loving fuck???!!!!!” Eggsy knew he was fit, damn fit, but he almost couldn’t keep up with Merlin’s long legs just eating the stairs.

“We’re not married. Good god who’d want to be married to Harry?” Merlin replied reaching the fourth floor. “But in an instance like this saying he’s my husband, well that will open doors faster. Next of kin and all that. We don’t look enough alike to pull off family, we’ve tried that. Had to break him out of that facility.”

Merlin stood in front of Harry’s door. “Eggsy, are ye ready?”

Eggsy swallowed heavily, thought of his last conversation with Harry. “Yeah, let’s go in.”

They walked in to see a room with three beds, two of which were unoccupied. The third, closest to the window was clearly being used, it’s occupant sitting in a wheelchair and gazing out the window.

Harry.

Eggsy heard a soft sigh and looked at Merlin.

For just a moment the man was exposed - his face a mix of heartbreak, exasperation, and joy. Merlin’s face quickly returned to its standard stoicism.

“Well Harry, we have come as called, now how about ye get ready to get moving. We don’t have all the time in the world ye know.” Merlin said approaching him.

“Little cold innit Merlin?” Eggsy said, shocked.

"Indeed.” Harry replied spinning his wheelchair around.

Merlin managed to not react but Eggsy flinched.

“Jesus bruv.” Eggsy blurted out.

Harry looked to Merlin.

“Well I see the promise of the glasses to be bulletproof needs some work.” was all Merlin said.

Harry smiled a little. “Indeed, you really need to have your people do a better job. Dreadful falling standards.” There was a bit of a slur on the s sounds.

“I don’t know you still have your eye, seems they did well enough.”

“True. But still more bullet resistant than bulletproof.” Harry said.

“Your hair looks horrible.” Merlin added.

“Yes but my head was shaved for brain surgery to repair my skull and is growing back. You are just bald. You in fact could be considered to have an arch of bald.”

“And that is why Gary, you could never come up with anything new. He’s been going with that joke for 10 years.”

Merlin sighed and reached for the medical chart at the end of the bed.

“Fractured skull, deep lacerations to the face around the glasses and where the bullet bounced around. Mobility problems due to being in yet another coma, blah, blah, blah. This is barely worse than the incident in Shanghai, Harry.” Merlin shook his head. “Says you should be back to full functionality within a few months of intense therapy, which we will provide at home.”

“It’s not 100% guaranteed though.” Harry said quietly. “There have been some complications. Arthur will not be pleased. But then when is he ever with me?”

“Well, Eggsy killed him for siding with the bad guys, so there’s one worry off your plate isn’t it?” Merlin was downright cheerful at this. He had hated the miserable classist bastard.

Harry looked at Eggsy, “He wanted me to join him, was ready to poison me, told him I’d rather be with you. He was dumb enough to not realize I switched glasses.” Eggsy shrugged.

“Eggsy saved the world Harry. Stopped Valentine.”

“Only was able to cause of you and Roxy, you’re the guv.” Eggsy replied smiling at Merlin.

“Don’t underplay what you did.” Merlin admonished gently. “We were about to confer him as Galahad when you got a hold of us.”

Harry’s smile at Eggsy, was brilliant, stunning, “Oh darling boy, I knew you could do it, you had all the potential in the world.”

“I’m so sorry Harry, about the fight, about what I said.”

“I am too. I am too. I am so proud of you.” Harry reassured him.

Before they could continue a doctor and nurse came in and they began to discuss Harry’s surgery, his recovery, and major concerns. After Merlin was able to reassure them that he had medic training, and they had a private plane where Harry could be comfortable, they agreed to release Harry the next day after a few final scans and tests were done.

“Well then, I expect Eggsy and I shall go enjoy some American BBQ and you can enjoy your properly balanced meal here.” Merlin smiled.

“Bring me real food.” Harry yelled.

“Nae.” Merlin said. “Ye will eat what they give you and say thank you like the gentleman you purport to be.”

Eggsy was going to offer to bring back a doggy bag, but Merlin dragged him out before he could. He watched though as Merlin went down to the kitchens and bribed someone to make Harry’s tea just how he liked.

Eggsy ate too much and didn’t care the food was so good. He pushed the food a little more towards Merlin but Merlin was busy preparing to get Harry home.

The next day Harry was released into his ‘husband’s’ care. Harry was in a mood enough to be all dramatic about being reunited with his dearest Archie so much so that two nurses were weeping. Merlin tried the Vulcan grip, but it didn’t work it never did.

It wasn’t until they were settled on the plane, Harry’s feet up and Merlin finished fussing over his vitals that Harry finally processed what Merlin had said the day before.

“Wait so Chester is dead?” Harry asked. Chester came out as slur of noises, Harry frowned at his own voice.

“Aye.” Merlin said. “They made me a temporary Arthur for a couple weeks until we would have time for a vote.”

Harry sighed and tried to look noble and stoic. “I suppose I’ll be made Arthur now. I do not want that responsibility but I will bear up nobly under the strain of it all. For the good of the world and all that.”

Eggsy looked at Merlin, “Ummm actually.”

“We had just finished conferring Percival as the new Arthur when ye called.” Merlin explained. “And frankly I would never in a million years nominate you for the job - ye’d be absolutely horrible at it. The thought of you Harry as Arthur - Jesus if I hadn’t already lost most of my hair it’d be done with that then. You’re reckless, showy, have never stuck to a budget a day on the job, and have no interest in the politics and organizational needs required of the head of our organization. No, no. No you would be a dreadful Arthur.” Merlin just kept going on listing all of Harry’s shortcomings for the job.

Eggsy watched as the scowl got deeper and deeper set on Harry’s face.

“Yes, alright, I do get the hint.” Harry tried not to sound too put out. He failed miserably. It was an hour before he spoke again. “So I’ll be retired out and Eggsy will become Galahad?”

“Fuck nae, ye aren’t leaving me alone to deal with Eggsy and breaking in a new Arthur. We’ll think of another title for Eggsy, sit his ass at the table and ye will continue to be as annoying and showy a Galahad as ever.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’ll nae deal with more change than I already have to.”

“I can barely walk, I sure as hell couldn’t hold a gun right now, let alone hit a target, and if you haven’t noticed, I’m slurring my words, stuttering on soft consonants. Exactly how am I supposed to do the job Merlin?” Harry asked. The words slurred and ran into each other and Eggsy was a little lost.

But Merlin wasn’t. He had listened to drunk Harry often enough and was able to pick it all apart. “Guess you’ll have to go back to the beginning, train all over again to be dangerous.” Merlin smiled. “And I’m the trainer these days.”

Harry was already pale from all the exertion, but managed to pale just a little more. “This is revenge for our candidacy isn’t it. You’ve been waiting 29 years for this moment.”

“Now Harry, I’d have to be a patient and rather sadistic man for that to be true.” Merlin leaned back and closed his eyes. “I’ll be kind. We’ll start your therapy, both physical and speech 48 hours after landing.”

“I hate you.” Harry grumbled. He snuggled more into the blankets Merlin had wrapped him in.

“Aye, I know, ye’ve been telling me that longer than this one’s been alive. It tears at my soul so. I weep into my pillow every night.” Merlin was snoring less than two minutes later.

Harry grumbled to himself for a bit longer before falling asleep as well.

Eggsy just stared at the two men in utter shock. He had had hints of what they were like with each other during his training, brief glimpses of this bickering. But this was more, this was like the Peterson’s at the pub, a couple who had been sitting in the same booth for as long as anyone could remember. They yelled and bickered and had been together for 50 years. Jesus, Merlin and Harry were an old married couple. Why hadn’t anyone warned him?

***************************************

Eggsy arranged for a meeting with Arthur the next morning.

“Ah, Mr. Unwin, I am sure that you want to talk about your future, but please let me assure you, I have an idea -”

“Yeah, yeah, sure whatever, bet it’s great. Why did nobody warn me?” Eggsy asked flopping into a chair.

“Warn you?” Arthur asked. “About what?”

Eggsy rolled his eyes. “About them.”

Arthur winced. “I see. They can be a little childish with each other.”

Eggsy looked at him. “Childish. Childish? That’s what you all call it? They’re an old married couple, bickering about not getting each other’s chip order right after 50 years but will gut someone for saying something even a little off about the other. Why didn’t anyone tell me they are in love? How long has that been then?”

“Because they haven’t seemed to have noticed.” Arthur said.

“Wait so you all do know?” Eggsy asked sitting forward.

“Of course, they aren’t subtle.” Arthur’s voice was dry.

“How long?”

“At least 15 years, probably closer to twenty from what I can tell. I came to the table about 7 years after Harry. Those first few years were antagonism and professionalism that slid into friendship and near as we all can tell they sort of fell in love and it just seemed to have escaped their notice. There is a pool, we’ve all had to re-pick dates for them cluing in. Twice.”

“And no one has tried to push them? Make them see it?” Eggsy asked. It seemed cold to him, leaving those two just hanging like that.

“Of course we have. Missions, talks, they’ve actually been locked in a closet together.” Arthur said. “An actual closet. I have seen Merlin at work on his computers with Harry sitting right there and actually saying ‘I’m not touching you.’ as his finger hovers an inch from Merlin’s face. I have seen Merlin rescue Harry countless times and one time when Merlin was in the field and got captured Harry actually lit people on fire. And they just settle back into their bickering and going home alone.” Arthur sighed. “We’ve tried proximity, jealously, trying to set them on a blind date with each other and they just don’t clue in. We’re all tired Eggsy and have mostly just all suffered in their obliviousness for the last few years.”

Eggsy felt his jaw tighten. Thought of the two of them and how they believed in him, how they gave him a chance. “Right, well I’m not so tired. I’m going to get them to see it, if it kills me.”

Arthur looked at him. “It might you know.”

“They deserve to be happy.”

“To be fair, they seem pretty happy with the bickering.”

“Well then they should be able to get more bickering in. And some shagging.” Eggsy says. “I’m fixing this.”

Arthur looked at the lad and smiled. “Very well then. It seems you need to brush up on some skills and I’ll put you low on the mission roster for the next few weeks.”

“Thanks. You know you ain’t so bad.”

“Such praise.”

“Well you don’t see me trying to kill you do you?” Arthur winced.

“Too soon?” Eggsy asked.

“Perhaps.” Arthur smiled. “Now let us talk about your future in general. Should you live through meddling in Harry and Merlin’s life, we do have an opening now for Percival, would that name perhaps suit?”

Eggsy thought it might indeed fit.

***************

Eggsy followed the yelling into the medical wing. There Merlin was tapping at his clipboard and and Harry was clearly frustrated.

“If ye are quite done, we can actually talk about what the doctor said.” Merlin was glaring at Harry.

“He said I’m done!”

“Nae, he didn’t, and if you weren’t such a teenager in a strop ye would have heard that.” Merlin yelled back.

“Oi, what is going on?” Eggsy asked.

“The doctor said, I’m unfit to be an agent.” Harry’s voice was hard, angry.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, such drama. Should we get ye some black jeans and eyeliner? Play some Bauhaus?” Merlin looked at Eggsy. “What the doctor actually said was that at the moment, Harry couldn’t return to the table no. That he needed speech and physical therapy and he warned that it could be a lot of work and that Harry’s reflexes might always be slower, there might under stress be a slip in his speech patterns. And that if Harry wanted there were other options in the Kingsman available.”

Harry was getting ready to yell some more and Merlin spun his wheel chair around and leaned down and got in his face.

“Agent Galahad, do ye want to keep your seat at the table?” Merlin asked with a growl, his nose almost brushing Harry’s.

“Yes.” Harry said, the s dragging out.

“Then we will get your ass back at the table. Because if ye actually listened the doctor said hard work, not impossible. And considering how many times over the decades ye and I have managed the impossible, this will be nothing. If ye want it, I will get it for ye, just like always.”

Merlin stood back up. “Now can I help ye Eggsy?”

Eggsy shrugged. “Arthur has me grounded for a few weeks, wants me to continue training a bit.”

Harry and Merlin looked at each other and then looked at Eggsy.

“Babysitter.” They said in unison.

“What? No!” Eggsy protested for show.

“Babysitter.” They said again.

“Who does Arthur figure will snap and kill the other first?” Merlin asked.

“Me for having to deal with what you consider training.”

“Lancelot and Eggsy seem to have come out fine.” Merlin replied.

“Luck and their natural skills.”

“Well then when ye are horrible we’ll know it wasn’t my training but your lack of natural skills.”

Eggsy figured it was as good a cover as any and that he better interject before they got worse. “Okay maybe. But still, training together, going to be aces innit Harry?”

“I suppose there might be some fun in it.” Harry said. “I will enjoy working with you.”

“No there won’t be any fun. There will be hard work and sincere effort and dedication.” Merlin lectured. Harry flipped him off.

“Why can’t you ever be nice to me?” Harry asked.

“Because ye wouldn’t know what to do if I was.” Merlin replied.

Harry sighed, because the man wasn’t wrong.

“Now I’m going to talk to the kitchen about creating meals that will best suit your medical and training needs.” Merlin said. “Eggsy make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.” Merlin paused. “Correction make sure that he doesn’t do anything especially stupid that would hinder his recovery.”

Merlin really wished he was surprised when he returned to find Harry and Eggsy racing down the hall, Harry in his wheelchair and Eggsy in the room chair. He touched his clipboard and set the safety sprinklers off on them.

“No pudding for either of you.”

“Ahhh come on that’s mean.” Eggsy said.

Harry didn’t complain.

But he did pout.

And was very smug to Eggsy later when Merlin tossed him a cornetto after they finished eating together. They all ignored that Harry fumbled the catch a little.

****  
  


Two days later Merlin brought Harry to the gym where Eggsy was already doing some cardio.

“Now, I’ve talked to the doctor, several physiotherapists and we’ve come up with a game plan for you. This week and the next couple will be about stability, and slowly regaining strength. Now wiggle your big toe.” Merlin said with a grin.

Harry flicked Merlin’s ear. “I thought we were past our Kill Bill phase.”

“Nae, forever love Beatrix Kiddo.” Merlin said. He held out his hands and helped Harry up.

“I can walk you know.” Harry grumbled. As he stood. He only wobbled a little.

“Then why have I been wheeling your ass around since we got you?”

“Because I can’t walk for very long.” Harry admitted. “A few steps and I’m tired, a few more and I am wobbly and a couple after that and I’m down.” There was frustration and sadness in his voice.

“I know. And of course ye won’t use a cane or walker.”

Harry just looked at him.

“How about your umbrella?” Merlin held out it. Eggsy looked at it, it wasn’t the one he remembered Harry carrying. This looked older. Eggsy watched as Harry’s face softened.

“It was broken.”

“I repaired it.” Merlin simply said. “Been waiting until it was really needed. Now with it to help a bit, can ye make it to Eggsy and back to me?”

Harry looked at the distance, the few metres and nodded. He walked slowly, and any time he felt unsteady, the umbrella was there to support him. He paused at Eggsy, who gave him a grin and a small thumbs up, out of sight of Merlin. Harry tried for a wink, though it pulled at the scars around the eye.

He turned and made his way back to Merlin, happy to collapse back in his wheelchair. Merlin gave him a bottle of water, made some notes on his clipboard and then massaged Harry’s calves.

“The doctor’s said this will be the easiest fix. That it will take some time, but you’ll be moving around like the fit fifty -” Harry coughed to cover the number Merlin was going to say. “Sorry was thinking of my own age. Like the fit 49 year old you are.”

Eggsy tried to cover up a laugh. From Harry’s stormy face and Merlin’s smirk he didn’t think he was that successful.

“Yes, but fit enough to do the job?” Harry asked, ignoring Eggsy.

“Maybe not how you used to do it, but we can adapt, we can learn.” Merlin said.

“Why do you keep saying we? I’m the broken one.”

“Since when hasn’t it been we, you numpty?” Merlin replied. He stepped back. “Now again. To Eggsy and to me.”

“Oh piss off.” Harry said.

“You don’t like watersports.” Merlin replied. “It’s on your hard limits list.”

Eggsy choked on his water. Harry glared at the young man. “Remember he also has access to your files, think of all those questionnaires you filled out those first days of training.”

“Bet he don’t got my memorized.” Eggsy muttered to himself.

“Nae, but then you haven’t been sent on a honey pot. I have seen you have shag a princess, would ye care to talk about that?”

“No sir.” Eggsy said swiftly. “Jesus ears like a bat.”

“You know he heard that right?” Harry said as he stopped beside Eggsy. He was sweating a little, strained, but had yet to fall.

“How do you put up with all that -” Eggsy had never figured out the right word to describe Merlin.

“Merlin-ness.” Harry said. “That’s the closest word to sum it up. And you get accustomed to it after a few decades.”

“Really?” Eggsy asked grinning. He turned Harry around and gave him a gentle push back to Merlin.

“No, not really. He always thinks of a new way to be annoying.” Harry replied.

“Nae, ‘tis yourself ye are talking about. Never has there been a more frustrating man than ye, Harry.” Merlin grinned and moved forward just a little to help Harry make the last few steps. “And yes Eggsy I have exceptional hearing.”

Eggsy made sure to roll his eyes when Merlin’s back was well turned, but Harry’s soft snort of laughter caught him out.

“If ye have so much spare time Eggsy, how about ye give the obstacle course a go?” Merlin asked.

“Nah I’m good here, thanks.” Eggsy said easily. He wanted to watch them together more, figure them out.

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Merlin’s voice was cold and Eggsy thought it perhaps a good idea to go after all.

But later he spied through the window and saw Merlin carefully helping Harry around the room. Eggsy realized that Merlin had sent him away to protect Harry’s pride as he grew weaker in his exercises. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but it was easily to tell they were bickering.

But neither really stopped smiling either. 

*******************************

Over the next couple of weeks Harry grew steadier on his legs and only rarely used the wheelchair. If anyone noticed him leaning on the umbrella more than was necessary they kept quiet about it. Soon he was taking walks around the estate, pleased with his progress.

Eggsy regularly joined him on the walks and prodded at his history with Merlin. Harry was only to happy to show off, tell tales of adventures and missions as a Kingsman, and he never seemed to notice how many times phrases like Merlin saved my life, or Merlin and I were out of options or this one time Merlin and I. Eggsy tried to drop hints that maybe their relationship was more than Quartermaster and agent but they were all ignored or missed completely.

Eggsy asked a few other agents about it.

“Yeah you give him a chance he’ll never shut up about Merlin, doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.” Kay said. “You learn to tune it out.”

“But what about the reverse?” Eggsy asked. He had been spending time with Merlin too, talking about Harry’s recovery, learning more about Merlin’s job itself. Merlin was far less verbose, but still there were morsels, tidbits that usually involved phrases like that mad berk, flash bastard, annoying peacock, all said with great affection. But when Eggsy tried to push a little it didn’t slide over like it did with Harry, more it hit a wall.

“There is no reverse.” Bedievere chimed in.

“Wot? Like Merlin doesn’t chat up the old days, or go on about how annoyingly particular Harry is about something?” Eggsy looked at the three other agents in confusion.

“No, Merlin doesn’t chat with us.”

“Sure he does, he’s grumpy yeah, but always willing to talk.”

“No,” Tristan said. “He isn’t. He gives us missions, debriefs us on situations, reviews our work, provides our tech, but I don’t know a damn thing about him. None of us do. Except for Harry and now you.”

“Well you have to have gleaned information from Harry then.” Eggsy protested.

“No, nothing personal. His stories are all about missions, the job, he never slips anything personal about Merlin.”

“Maybe he doesn’t really know that much about Merlin, personal wise I mean.” Kay offered.

“Merlin said that Harry’s been teasing him about his name for decades. Arch of bald and all that. And Harry went off for thirty minutes about how Merlin takes his coffee in the morning just so, and his tea in the afternoon just so.” Eggsy said.

“You mean, his name isn’t Merlin?” Bedievere honestly looked shocked.

“I always figured it was whiskey in his mug.” Tristan added. “You know more about Merlin in few months, than all of us put together. Clearly they’ve decided to trust you. That’s a rare gift.”

Eggsy just groaned. “God they’re even more in love than I thought and even more dumb about it than I thought.”

Kay pat him on the shoulder. “Welcome to the Kingsman. At least there is always a floor show.”

Another week and Harry was managing a slow jog, and two weeks after that he was managing a bit of a run, which meant that Merlin decided it was time to get to work on gun training again.

Merlin and Harry were already there, Merlin handing Harry his favourite handgun, when Eggsy walked in.

“Now we’ll keep this easy, no dramatics, just hit the target anywhere.” Merlin picked up a gun and didn’t look. “Live round.” He kept his eyes on Harry as he shot a perfect third eye.

“Asshole.” Harry said. Eggsy thought he was slurring the s a little less but it was hard to tell. “Show off.”

“Me, show off? Nae, think of it as motivation. Ye do like to think that ye are a better shot than me.”

“I am.” Harry huffed as he moved up to the line. He took careful aim in proper shooting position. And missed. Just barely, but still missed.

Eggsy looked at Merlin, unsure of what to do. He knew better than to offer sympathy, but he hated the sad look on Harry’s face.

Merlin however just tutted. “You didn’t even properly try.”

“I did too.” Harry replied.

“Bullshit.” Merlin said. “That isn’t even your stance and ye know it.”

“Really?” Harry put the gun down and looked at Merlin. “And what is my stance? Because that felt like it and I think I know my body better than you do.”

“Fine.” Merlin moved behind Harry and wasn’t gentle as he kicked Harry’s ankles. “You always lead just a little with your right foot and turn the toes in a few degrees.” He then pulled Harry’s shoulders back and up. “Ye also tense your shoulders more than ye need, more than ye should. Only time ye actually don’t have the best posture.”

Merlin stepped back. “Now try again and don’t fake being bad.”

“I took a bullet to the head, excuse me not being perfect.”

“No. Being scared of going back into the field after what happened is reasonable, but trying to bullshit me is not.” Merlin said.

Harry looked ready to protest.

“I’ll not be throwing ye into anything soon, and certainly not before a pysch eval. But beyond the fear, this is your life, what you do, and you want it. So ye will not let the fear pull you down. I will not let you hide behind the injury. Now do it again. Or I tell Eggsy about our gun training during our Kingsman trials. Because I bet you haven’t told that story.”

Harry swiftly picked up the gun and fired perfectly. “Eggsy doesn’t need to know about that.”

“Ye don’t tell him about my seduction training and I don’t tell him about the gun incident.” Merlin said.

“Deal.” Harry agreed.

“Oh come on! You can’t dangle something like that in front of me. Please.” Eggsy begged.

“No.” The two men said in unison.

“Stop being such a perfect pair.” Eggsy grumbled. He had been dropping statements like that the last couple of weeks, but it never garnered any reaction.

They all stayed on the range for a time, Merlin bitching at Harry, but helping him adjust when needed. Harry likewise called Merlin an interfering old busybody, mother hen, and annoying prat.

Merlin promised him a toy surprise if he hit 2 or 5 targets that were set. Harry hit three and Merlin passed him a frame with yet another dead butterfly.

“Jesus, don’t tell me you feed that habit.” Eggsy was aghast.

Merlin grinned. “He hates them too.”

“But they fill his house.”

Harry was looking at the framed insect and laughing. “I lost a bet to him, what 20 years ago, and he found a loophole in the wording, which meant that I have to display every gift he’s ever given me from the moment the bet was won for 25 years. Hence all the butterflies.”

“I sure as hell don’t have a friend I’d go to that length for.” Eggsy said - how the hell could the guys not see that that was not normal?

Both men just shrugged, they couldn’t see a problem with it.

“Tomorrow we will try shotguns.” Merlin said making a note on his clipboard. “Now I need to keep an eye on a mission tonight, but I know ye are getting restless Harry. How about you two go out to dinner tonight? Give me some peace and quiet to do my real job.” Merlin never looked up from his notes.

Eggsy thought it a great chance to poke at Harry a bit about Merlin. Harry wanted the freedom. Merlin just wanted some peace and quiet.

Harry and Eggsy ended up at a quiet pub, in a corner. They chatted casually until they both had a beer in them.

“Merlin said you shouldn’t be drinking.” Eggsy said watching Harry polish off his Guinness and signal for another.

“Do you know the last drink I had was that martini I taught you to make. So if I would like to indulge in two pints tonight, well I think we can keep that to ourselves can’t we?”

“He’ll figure it out.”

“Yes he will.” Harry said. “But he’ll also understand. I go to three, he’ll make me pay, but two should keep him at passive aggressive and maybe a growl or two. A lecture at most. I can survive a growl or two.” Harry said. “His growl used to be much scarier.”

Eggsy paled a little. “Used to be scarier?” He couldn’t fathom it.

“Indeed.” Harry said, without explanation.

They dug into their food, forgoing conversation for a few minutes.

Eventually though Eggsy asked. “So Harry, been wondering about you.” Not subtle, but it would work.

“Oh?” Harry wiped his mouth and leaned back.

“Well, the bits I’ve seen of your house, didn’t look like you had anyone staying over regular like. You seeing anyone?”

“No. I wasn’t seeing anyone ‘regular like’ before Kentucky.” Harry tilted his head, trying to solve a puzzle.

“But you see people. I mean you do date.”

“Yes, I date. I have in fact had relationships.” Harry’s voice was dry.

“What sorts?” Eggsy asked.

“Are you asking after my sexuality Eggsy?” Harry replied.

“Maybe, or I can move the conversation along if you prefer.” Eggsy said easily.

“I’m bisexual.” Harry offered. “I have tended more to women but have enjoyed men as well.”

“Cool, me too.” Eggsy smiled. “Do you have a certain type.”

Harry leaned forward, covered Eggsy’s hand with his. “Darling boy, this is very sweet, and I hate to let you down, but you are too young for me, I consider you too much of a protege to think of you in terms of a relationship.”

“Wot?” Eggsy was shocked.

“Is this why you’ve been around so much? I am flattered and your friendship means a great deal to me Eggsy, but us as a couple, no I’m sorry.” Harry looked so earnest.

Eggsy just started to laugh. “Oh fuck me, it did seem like I was hitting on you didn’t it? Damn.” He laughed some more. “No, I know a guy, thought you two might suit.”

Harry laughed at himself, blushing just a little. “Forgive me.”

“Nah, best laugh ever.” Eggsy was still giggling. “No. I mean I guess I was hitting on you? But in a wingman, proxy for my friend sort of way.”

“Well thank you, but no blind dates. I don’t care how much you think we’d suit.” Harry shook his head. “A few years ago, all the other agents kept trying to set me up with this perfect man. Everyone knew this perfect man for me, swore he was ideal. I kept turning them down.” Harry looked lost in memories. “Even Merlin.”

“Oh really?” Eggsy asked.

“Indeed. I was so tired of it all, the interference in my life, that I snapped and agreed to meet Merlin’s ‘perfect man’ for me.”

Eggsy leaned forward. “What happened?”

“Nothing. I didn’t show.” Harry looked a little ashamed. “I had not too long before then ended a relationship with a woman and was tired of everyone telling me to get back in the saddle. Everyone so sure they knew my needs and my life better than I did. And I know it wasn’t very gentlemanly of me, but I just never showed. And Merlin must have spread word because that stopped all of that.”

Eggsy had a sick feeling in his gut.

“And what did Merlin do?” Eggsy asked.

Harry just sort of shrugged. “He was different for a time.” Harry was clearly searching for the right word. “Distant. Treated me more like how he treats everyone else. Professional. There was no teasing, no bitching me out about my equipment. It took about three months for things to settle back into almost normal, a while after that for truly normal.”

“And you were never curious?” Eggsy’s sick feeling only got worse. “Got to say no one knows you better than Merlin, bet his bloke would have been a good one.”

Harry’s face was hard. “This job removes a lot of agency and choice from you. Saving the world is a heavy burden. I’ll not have what choices are left to me taken out of my hands. I have learned that dating outside the organization is difficult, the lies grow tiresome and they always leave. I’d rather be alone than deal with that loss again and again.”

“You ain’t so alone.” Eggsy said.

“No, I am not, I have very dear friends who look for me, just as I look out for them.” Harry raised the last of his beer in salute.

“But if you could have it, the happy ever after, would you want it?” Eggsy pushed a little more.

“That’s only in the movies.” Harry stood. “Come, let us go back, give Merlin a chance to yell at us so. He has a delightful speech about the evils of drinking that you need to hear. It is most enjoyable.” Harry’s grin was expectant, fond. 

They made their way back to the estate, where sure enough Merlin was standing there tapping his foot. He took one look at Harry.

“Tell me it wasn’t more than two.” His burr was low.

“It was exactly two.” Harry said smiling.

And they stood there and listened to Merlin’s rant. For twenty minutes. Eggsy had to admit it was a good speech. And as his back would turn as he paced, Eggsy watched as Harry mouthed the words along with their Quartermaster.

“Do I mention that I’ve seen you drink guv?” Eggsy asked when it seemed that Merlin was winding down.

Harry groaned and kicked Eggsy a little. “Great, now we get part 2. Part 2 isn’t as nice as part one.”

And sure enough Part 2 launched and indeed not as fun. Worse lecture than any teacher, coach, or even a mum.

“Yes sir.” Eggsy said to every question.

Harry fell asleep standing up, weight leaned on his umbrella. When done Merlin just looked at Harry and sighed. Eggsy watched as he put down his clipboard and easily picked Harry up. Harry just shifted, curled into Merlin, utterly trusting.

“Ye do not say a goddamn word.” Merlin said sternly to Eggsy. He carried Harry away. Eggsy watched them go away, Merlin barely stumbling under the weight. Eggsy got a photo of Merlin’s back, Harry’s hand gripping his shoulder.

**  
**The next day Eggsy was in Arthur’s office asking for a mission. **  
**

“Giving up so soon?” Arthur asked. He had been expecting a visit from Eggsy.

“They are so in love and I’m scared that that could be wrecked if they ever found out they are in love.” Eggsy looked at Arthur. “Does that even make sense?”

“Sadly, when it comes to those two yes. But beyond that, Merlin has expressed that having you around to help with Harry’s recovery has been a great boon to him, and that Harry is in fact a good few weeks ahead of the doctor’s estimates on his health. I’d hate to put you in the field right now. Would you consider continuing to work with them, to help Harry?”

That was an easy question for Eggsy. “Yeah, sure for Harry.”

**  
***************************************

It took a month, but Harry and Eggsy were in the ring together, slowly sparring. Harry had regained most of his muscle mass and while he was moving slower than before it was still far ahead of most men his age, even highly athletic ones. Eggsy was telegraphing his moves to allow Harry to block, with Merlin calling things out on the side.

“Oh for the love of god, how is it that you still move your right at that angle after all these decades? Are you just begging for someone to ring your bell permanently?” Merlin grumbled. He hopped into the ring and adjusted Harry’s body.

“Well you tend to stand on my right. I kill my hearing there a bit, your complaining will be easier to deal with. But no one’s ever taken the bait, so I’ve been putting up with your dulcet tones for all these years.” Harry snarked but moved his body into the position Merlin wanted.

“I know ye can do this Harry. Here.” Merlin said and they began the routine again, Merlin ghosting with Harry, moving his body. They moved in sync, perfectly in harmony, not even seeing how much they leaned into each other, how much they breathed each other in.

Eggsy saw it and it somehow broke his heart.

He finished the workout with them in the ring and was sipping some water when he thought of something.

“Why haven’t we done speech therapy with Harry? You said that was on the table and it would be harder to fix than his body.” Eggsy said.

Harry looked stunned. “Right? Why haven’t there been flash cards or repeat recordings or some such?”

“And did ye just hear yourself?” Merlin asked.

Harry didn’t understand.

“Barely a blip on the some such, only a little lisp.” Eggsy said. “Thought you had been getting better but it’s been so gradual hadn’t really thought about it.”

“I spoke with the doctor and a speech pathologist, at length and went to several meetings. It was agreed that you would reject traditional methods of therapy. You would have argued them as childish or just been annoying. So I took some of their ideas and implemented them into our conversations.”

Eggsy started laughing. “Oh god, you bickered him into getting better. Your arguing was designed to help.”

“Aye. I’ve been extra grumbly, just because Harry would always rise to the bait. Left to his own he would have spoken less, hating his voice and how the words came out. But by fighting me, he spoke more, was sure that he was right - since he always believes he’s right and it seems to have worked.”

“You played me.”

“I did. Honestly, did ye think that fight about your scone making skills just came from nowhere? Think of how many S sounds ye ended up making in that fight. And all the tasty food as well. Everyone won there.” Merlin was completely unrepentant.

“You could have told me.” Harry was pouting.

“Then it wouldn’t have worked.” Merlin said. He winked at Harry and laughed. “So rarely do I manage to pull one over on ye, let me have this moment - especially since it actually helped you.”

Harry and Eggsy watched as Merlin did a small highland jig.

“Your timing is a little off.” Harry said as Merlin did a final leap.

“So’s yer face.” Merlin said.

Harry and Eggsy both froze a little.

“Merlin.” Eggsy said, voice a little hard.

Harry’s face shut down. “I’m sorry my looks don’t please, perhaps I’ll get a mask, haunt a basement.”

“Ye hate Andrew Lloyd Webber.” Merlin replied. “Harry, I am sorry.” Merlin moved closer and softly touched the scars around his eye, on his forehead, touched the hair that had finally grown back to proper length. “It is how I’ve always replied to ye. It was automatic.” Another gentle touch. “They are fading, and ye know ye are still a beautiful bastard. There are therapies, make up, that can help if ye like. But Harry they are a sign that ye lived, that ye are a fucking survivor.”

“Flatterer.” Harry said softly.

Eggsy was pretty sure they had forgotten he was in the room.

“Nae, ye know ye aren’t my type.” Merlin said.

Eggsy was watching Merlin’s face and could see how that was a lie, but for some reason Harry did not.

“Yes we all remember Cameron. And Nick. You have deplorable taste in men. Just hideous. Pretty boys, but so shallow. Annoying peacocks the lot of them.”

Merlin huffed a rueful laugh. “Aye, that I cannot deny.” Merlin stepped back. “Ready to begin again?”

“Yes.” Harry said and Harry and Eggsy went back to sparring.

**  
**********************************

The doctors had all figured they were generous saying Harry might be ready for the table again at 6-8 months. Merlin had Harry back in his seat in 5.

He never thanked Merlin for all the work it took to get him there, but Merlin didn’t expect that to happen. He knew what the bottle of Scotch in his desk meant.

Eggsy had gotten no closer to getting them to see they were meant for each other. Sure he had said he was giving up on that, but he couldn’t leave them like that, not when they were so clearly a unit, in a way he hadn’t ever seen in a couple before. But anything he came up with, it seemed had already been tried. He was frustrating with them and the Kingsman as a whole. He had been sent on a couple missions in that time, but never understood why he wasn’t officially a member of the table.

Until Arthur called a meeting.

There was a vote on approving the return of Galahad to the table. Merlin presented Harry’s progress.

As a point of form, Bedievere asked, “Has your affection for Galahad coloured your report in any way?”

Eggsy wondered how the man didn’t burst into flames with the glare Merlin leveled on him. “Nae. The doctor agrees with my assessment and I’d hardly be the first to send a weakened asset into the field. I’m not suggesting that we throw him in the middle of a terrorist cell and expect him to fight his way out, but analysis, information gathering, those he’s more than capable of.”

“I trust in the doctor and Merlin’s assessment. We vote - is Galahad fit to return to the table?” The vote was a unanimous yes.

“Now I admit I’ve deliberately delayed this next vote so that Galahad could take part.” Arthur smiled. “We vote to confer the rank of Percival to one Gary Unwin.”

Eggsy sat up a little straighter in the chair he had been given. The vote went around the table and he watched the blinding smile on Harry’s face as he practically shouted his yes.

And Eggsy was a member of the table.

Business continued on with discussions of missions that were active or soon to be so. Kay mentioned a gala party that was happening in France that had a tie in to his mission. He suggested that it would be a good place for Galahad to get his feet wet. Information and seduction.

Harry nodded in agreement and once the meeting finished began to make plans for the party that was in two weeks.

During that time he kept training with Eggsy and Merlin, working on his speech and fine motor skills.

He learned how to apply a bit of stage make up to minimize but not hide the scars around his eye  and many had wounds that could be explained easily with the world events. And then Harry was gone.

Eggsy didn’t want to say he was nervous about Harry’s first official mission back, but he found himself in Merlin’s office about half an hour before Harry was due at the party.

“Going to kick me out?” Eggsy asked.

“Nae, been expecting ye.” Merlin said simply. “I’d imagine this is as difficult for you as it is for Harry and I. I know ye were watching Kentucky.”

“Yeah. I know this is an easy gig but…” Eggsy shrugged and settled into a chair.

“But.” Merlin agreed.

They waited and soon enough Harry was walking into the party.

“He looks good in a tux, like wearing it is natural.” Eggsy said. “I always feel silly in one.”

“I look like a gangster in one.” Merlin replied. “He is suave.” Merlin spoke into the mic. “Harry your mark is over by the Degas print. Bastard can’t bother to hang the real thing.” They watched Harry nod and grab a cocktail and slowly work the room through a mix of Harry’s glasses and camera feeds that Merlin hacked.

“So you really think he’s up for this?” Eggsy asked never taking his eyes off the screen.

“Aye.” Merlin moved about typing into the computer, pulling up the files on the host and Harry’s mark.

For an hour they watched Harry charm and orbit the room, before Merlin suggested he move closer to the mark. It wasn’t long before Harry was fetching her a drink and then had her laughing and putting her hand on his arm.

“Good, Galahad. She is supposed to be fond of dancing, but not the best at it, so you should be able to manage just fine.”

Eggsy watched as Harry took her to the dance floor.

“So Cameron and Nick? Haven’t had a chance to ask about them.”

“That was two months ago.” Merlin said, never taking his eyes of the screens.

“We’ve been busy. Your type is pretty but shallow? Wouldn’t have thought that.” Eggsy needled.

“Oh, and ye’ve been thinking that closely about my type?” Merlin spared him a glance. “And what would have you thought?”

“Dunno. We’re you with them long?”

“A year with Cameron, a bit less with Nick, and before you ask, both of them did the breaking up and it’s been 7 years since Nick and 9 since Cameron.”

“And you haven’t had a relationship since then?”

Merlin ignored Eggsy for a moment. “Harry take her out onto the balcony. She’s the sort to like the romance of that.”

Merlin typed a little before turning his attention back to Eggsy. “I’ve had sex, but not relationships. Relationships are too difficult.”

“But you tried to get Harry into one.” Eggsy asked. “He said you tried to set him up. Isn’t there something about goose and gander?”

“Isn’t there something about you being elsewhere?” Merlin said.

Eggsy decided to keep his mouth shut. They watched as a few hours later, Harry followed the young woman into her room. Merlin quickly made the screen smaller but left it up to monitor. Eggsy watched Merlin’s finger grow restless on the keyboard, how they gripped his mug a little tighter when Harry moaned. How Merlin glanced away when Harry pushed into the girl and called her darling.

“Oh fuck. Everyone’s been wrong. You aren’t both oblivious morons. You know you are fucking in love with Harry.”

Merlin spun in his chair and glared at Eggsy. “Agent Percival I suggest that you let this line of inquiry die.” His voice was frigid but he couldn’t stop his small flinch when hearing the muffled noise of Harry coming.

“Why haven’t you told him?” Eggsy asked.

“And what makes ye think I haven’t?”

“Because if you had you two would be living together and doing the happy ever after thing.”

Merlin watched Harry knock the girl out with a dart and jack into her laptop.

“We met during the trials for the Galahad position. I was ejected for being unable to complete seduction training, but was recruited to become the future Merlin. God he was a smug, posh peacock, so sure he would win out and he did. It stuck in his craw for so long that I was better with guns than him. He would ignore my suggestions while out in the field, be reckless with gadgets and his life. He took himself to be a real 007 until there was a mission where he ended up backed into a corner. All I said was please, please listen to me this once and I’ll quit the job after if I bother ye so much. And he did, and he came home almost in one piece. And refused to work with any other handler. We became friends. I didn’t even realize how much I had let him in, until I realized there was no way to push him out. He was just woven into the fabric of me.”

Merlin looked at the screens. “Good Galahad, that is what we needed, get back to your room. And prepare to meet your ride.” They both watched as Harry adjusted the blankets over the mark and kiss her head. “Always the gentleman Galahad.” Eggsy could hear the sadness in Merlin. Merlin turned most of the monitoring equipment off.

“And that’s when you knew you loved him.”

Merlin laughed. “Good god no. That’s when I knew I couldn’t easily live without him. Those are different things. I just thought of him as a limb, a vital organ, but to think of it, of him, as my heart, no that took another few years.”

“What made you realize?” Eggsy asked.

“Called Cameron Harry one too many times in bed. Left him just because Harry called. Spent hours on the monitors for Harry, more with R&D to make sure his equipment would be perfect, to give him every edge to come home. Cameron said I was married to my job and he couldn’t take the absence anymore, the fact that even when I was in bed with him, I wasn’t really there. And I wasn’t. My mind was always on Harry. And that when I realized that somehow he was more than a limb - he was my goddamn heart, my goddamn everything.”

Merlin looked at Eggsy’s face. “Enjoying your fairy tale lad? Because it gets worse.”

“The blind date you arranged for him, it was yourself wasn’t it?”

“Aye.” Merlin leaned back in his chair, looked at the ceiling. “I know everyone else was pressuring him to date after he broke up with Alana and I thought maybe if it was me, that he would go. And then we could talk and I could tell him that somewhere along the ways my feelings for him deepened, changed from finding him an annoying flash berk, to an annoying flash berk whom I couldn’t live without. It was a small place, a favourite of his to put him at ease. I waited 3 hours and went home. One of the few times I asked him to do something for me and then he didn’t show.”

“He was tired of everyone bothering him about dating, said that he hated the Kingsman taking even that choice away from him.”

“Oh lad, it’s not that he stood me up. It’s that after everything I had done for him, every rule I had bent, every extra mile I gave him, I asked him to do one thing for me and he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.” Merlin lifted his glasses to pinch his eyes. “It took a time to get over that sting. Reminded me that at the core, he did view me as a little less than, just as he did at training.”

“If it helps, everyone has spent years trying to get you two together, you were the blind date everyone wanted to set him up on.” Eggsy said, he hoped comfortingly.

Merlin’s laugh was hollow. “Of course.”

“So Nick was -”

“An attempt to get over him. But there is no getting over Harry Hart. So I love him and keep him safe and when he snarks at me, it is almost enough. I’m Scottish Eggsy, a little despair in life is par for the course.”

“Well, looks like Harry has made it to his extraction.” Eggsy said looking at the screen. “Want to get utterly wrecked, so much so you forget your own name?”

Merlin grinned. “Well now, I’d be a fool to say no to such a generous offer.” They headed out to Merlin’s favourite bar, where they never watered down the scotch and had really good steak pies.

They settled in talking about everything except Harry Hart, until they were good and wasted.

“Why don’t you just snog the life out of him and say I’ve been in love with you for years, a decade and want to spend the rest of our lives annoying each other?” Eggsy asked, throwing back another shot.

“Because I like being alive. He’d be stunned, confused and then assume some group had brainwashed me and kill me as per our arrangements.”

“Wait, you guys have kill arrangements?” Eggsy looked at Merlin in awe. “Seriously how have you two not figured it all out, moved in together, and had fights about whose turn it is to change the sheets? Kill arrangements. Really.”

“Of course, there is a list of about a dozen circumstances under which we’ve agreed to kill each other. On it is if Harry ever sings Spice Girl Karaoke again.” Merlin slammed a hand over his mouth, horrified that he spilled that detail.

“Okay putting that one in my back pocket for later and hope like hell I remember it.” Eggsy giggled. “I tried to chat you up a bit to him and he thought I was hitting on him.”

Merlin found that hilarious. “Were ye trying to wingman for me? That’s touching lad, really warms my cold dead heart. He hasn’t dated in the last couple years, not really.”

“Wot, like you?” Eggsy leaned forward. “Did you really call those other guys Harry in bed? Because that’s all sorts of messed up.”

“I am aware and that’s why I’ve done fuck buddies at most since Nick. And even they are few and far between. Apparently I have a steadfast heart, that’s what my mam used to say.” Merlin smiled a little, “Why Harry and I took to ye. That core of ye, we could see it fucking shine out of ye, loyal, and true. And fuck this much scotch makes me soppy.” Merlin laughed and drank some more. “Did ye really try to wingman me to him?”

“Hell yeah, and I didn’t do it because I have money riding on it, like the rest of them. I did it because I want you guys to be happy. All Disney, or Gene Kelly Singing in the Rain happy.”

“There is money on Harry and I?” Merlin’s voice had lost its humour.

Eggsy didn’t notice. “Yeah, they said they’ve all had to re-up twice because of how dumb you two are. When Arthur told me, I told him I would try to get you guys together, because you clearly should be shagging.”

“But ye didn’t take part.”

“Not in the bet no, wouldn’t do that to you guys.” Eggsy said happily. “See, I’m a gentleman just like Harry taught me.” He again was a puppy waiting for pets.

Merlin was just lit enough to give him the pets. He was also just lit enough to come up with an incredibly stupid plan. “Get in on the bet, see if you can get three weeks from tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to win you that fucking pot.”

Eggsy looked at him in awe and horror. “You are going to do something incredibly stupid aren’t you?”

“Oh yes, yes I am.”

“How stupid?”

“Not sure yet, but pretty sure we’ll come out alive. Probably.” Merlin took a few more sips of whiskey. “Ye might want to make sure your will is up to date.”

  
***********************

Eggsy put his name and money into the pool, which actually made people think he might have insider information and there was a flurry of additional betting. Merlin was especially curt with the agents, and seemed extra driven.

Harry was shocked when he came home from his mission. “Where’s my reward cookie?” He asked all sad.

“He means that as a metaphor right?” Eggsy asked Arthur. They had been in talking out a mission with Merlin when Harry arrived.

“No, he means a cookie. Merlin has given him a cookie for his safe return for about a dozen years.”

“Homebaked too.” Harry added.

“Excuse me for being a little busy keeping other agents alive.” Merlin snarked.

“Never stopped you before.” Harry made his lip quiver. Merlin growled a little but opened a drawer and tossed the cookie on a stick to Harry. Merlin held back his smile while Harry caught it easily.

Harry happily began to it and just as he was enjoying his first bite, Merlin gave him an evil grin. “You know Eggsy, I never thanked ye for all the help you gave getting his hefty ass up and running. Here.” And Merlin pulled out a full plate of cookies and handed them over to Eggsy.

“You’re the guv Merlin.” Eggsy said stuffing two in his mouth and moaning at the taste.

Arthur tried not to die at the look of outrage on Harry’s face.

“One, those are my reward cookies. Only I get reward cookies. Two. My ass is not hefty, it is perky and delightful especially for a man of my age.” Harry’s took a savage bite out of his cookie.

“Aye, I suppose it is.” Merlin said with a wink.

They all watched Harry flush red and leave the room without another word.

Arthur sat there stunned. “Problem sir?” Merlin asked kindly.

“Um, no I have paperwork to do.” Arthur practically ran from the room.

Eggsy swallowed a lump of cookie. “What are you doing?”

“Winning that money and ending the bet.” Merlin said.

“This is going to be bad.” Eggsy said. He ate another cookie.

Soon enough it was the days that Eggsy had blocked off in the bet. He was in the kitchen talking with Kay and Bedievere when Harry and Merlin walked in bickering like usual.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“She held a knife to your ribs.” Merlin said.

“It was a nice knife?” Harry replied, getting the kettle going.

“Harry, she had her men torture you. And then you still went on a date with her.”

“It was for the job.” Harry protested. They moved around each other.

“Really?” Merlin poured Harry’s coffee for him and deliberately put too much milk in.

“Well, mostly. Come on, you would have tried to get a leg over with her too.” Harry winced and dumped out the coffee.

“Gay remember.” Merlin said dryly.

“Awww, you still jealous over something that happened in 1997? That’s so sweet.” Harry said fluttering his lashes. “You’ve been in love with me this whole time Archie?”

“Of course.” Merlin said before pulling Harry into a hard kiss.

“Holy Shit!!!!” Kay yelled.

Bedievere’s jaw just dropped. “Is that tongue?” He whispered in shock.

Eggsy just grinned and whistled loudly which seemed to bring the men back to reality.

“Oh Archie, I can’t believe it. I just, do you know how long I’ve wanted you to do that?” Harry said breathlessly. Only Eggsy was able to notice the kick Merlin gave his ankle. Harry was overselling it a little.

Merlin looked as calm as ever. “If you gentleman can give our excuses, I do believe that Galahad and I have somethings to sort out. We will be back in tomorrow.” Merlin looked Harry up and down slowly. “Perhaps the day after.”

They were holding hands as they left. Word spread through the estate quickly and the winnings were put into Eggsy’s account. The number was still freaking him out when he got the message to go to Harry’s house. And to bring takeaway.

Eggsy walked up to the door with bags of chinese food and found it unlocked. He walked on in and took his shoes off and followed the sound of bickering.

“But why that break down?” Harry said.

“Because that’s the way it’s going to work - besides you oversold your part.” Merlin replied. Merlin looked over. “Eggsy tell him he gets the smallest share.”

Eggsy held up his full hands. “I ain’t getting in the middle of this.”

“You get 10% because all you had to do was stand there and be yourself and you ended up sounding like a character from Mills and Boon. I get 20% for coming up with the damn idea and putting it all into believable motion. And Eggsy gets the other 70% for obvious reasons.”

Eggsy grinned and began unpacking food.

“I don’t see them as that obvious.” Harry said pulling out forks and plates. He was ignored as Eggsy and Merlin just dived into the food.

“1. He told me about the bet. 2. He got my ass home when we were drunk together. 3. He has less money than us. 4. He’s our friend and we love him and out of the kindness of our hearts he can the lion’s share.” Merlin considered it done.

Eggsy flushed a little at the last point.

But Harry got stuck in the middle. “Got drunk together. When did that happen?” He looked between the two men.

“While you were on that mission.” Merlin said. He grinned at Eggsy. “Good time, we really should do it again, although perhaps we don’t try to steal the dartboard next time.”

Eggsy choked on his egg roll. “Hey we would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for those pesky kids.”

Merlin roared with laughter and Harry’s mouth fell open. Merlin only laughed like that for him. It didn’t hurt. “Was it a date?” Harry demanded to know.

“Wot?” Eggsy asked still giggling.

“Were you two on a date?” Harry glared at Merlin. “Because I’ve noticed you two growing closer and I just think that my two best friends should tell me if they are dating.” Harry pushed his plate away, he wasn’t so hungry anymore.

Eggsy was still a little confused but Merlin looked at Harry carefully.

“Well, you couldn’t say that Eggsy isn’t good enough for me, like you have with the rest now could you?” Merlin asked.

“No of course not.” Harry was glowering at this point. “I mean he is...younger than you usually go for. Didn’t you once say you couldn’t see the point of being with someone that couldn’t bitch about Thatcher from personal experience?” Harry started to tap his fingers against the table. “Of course I’m happy for you two.”

“You don’t seem it.” Merlin said.

“Merlin?” Eggsy asked. He had no idea what was happening, only that there was a weird tension in the air. Like there was a storm just on the edge.

“Why wouldn’t I be happy for you?”

“Because ye’ve never been happy for me before when I’ve dated.” Merlin replied. “Ye always have made fun of everyone I have ever been with.”

“Well that’s because they were useless and you deserved better.” Harry hated that in his anger his voice was slipping back into slurring some letters.

“I could have had better but it didn’t want me so I settled and then realized that sucked and gave up.” Merlin said. “Better hurts too much.”

Oh shit, Eggsy thought, this is going down. He wondered if he could escape without notice. He tried to push his chair back but both men glared at him. He held up his hands in peace.

“I ain’t dating Merlin, I ain’t interested in him.” Eggsy said quickly to Harry.

“Oh, did you just have a fellow that you thought would suit him?” Harry snarked. “Was it the same as it was for me?”

“Nah bruv, I can honestly say that it is different guys, not that I ever tried to hook Merlin up.”

Merlin snorted.

“Okay, technically I tried to hook you up, but you know how that turned out.” Eggsy waved his hands about. “Going brilliant innit?”

“What is going on?” Harry yelled. “Because something clearly is, and I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care for that.” He looked at Merlin. “You said there was a weird bet about you being an emotionless robot so I agreed to help win the money and now everything is cocked up.”

“Merlin!” Eggsy yelled.

Merlin just collected the plates and walked a few steps into the kitchen.

Eggsy looked at Harry, “That’s not what the bet was quite about.”

“Then what was it?” Harry looked towards the kitchen. “Since when do you keep secrets from me Mack?”

Merlin came storming back in. “No. You don’t get to call me that right now, not when you haven’t in years.” Merlin dropped his fists to the table. “And I have kept secrets from ye ever since ye stood up that blind date I arranged for ye.”

“That was like 8 years ago!” Harry replied. “I know you were pissed, but you’ve held a grudge that long?”

“Been that long since you called me Mack.” was Merlin’s response.

“I didn’t think it was welcome anymore. You were so cold there for a while. It seemed better to drop it.” Harry admitted.

“Ye made it perfectly clear that my requests of you didn’t matter very much.”

Right, Eggsy was getting the hell out. He moved his chair back.

“Keep your seat Eggsy. You started all of this. You can watch the end of it all.” Merlin said.

“Jesus, it’s like watching East Enders.” Eggsy muttered, but he kept his seat. He really hoped they weren’t armed.

“What do you mean didn’t matter?” Harry asked.

“I asked one thing of you. One. And ye didn’t show. I gave you anything and everything you asked for and some you even didn’t. And the one time I ask a favour of ye, ye ignore it.” Merlin growled, his burr getting deeper.

“Because.” Harry said.

“Because I dinnae matter to you as much as I thought.” Merlin countered.

“Because I didn’t want to meet anyone you thought was perfect for me THAT WASN’T YOU!” Harry shouted.

“Holy fuck you know you love him!” Eggsy said, bouncing in his chair.

He clapped a hand over his mouth at the glare Harry gave him. But then thought screw it and pulled his hand away. “Nope, you guys won't let me leave and are giving me the live soap opera so I’m going interject. Deal or let me go.”

“Of course I know I love him. He’s Merlin how could I not?” Harry said to Eggsy. “But he doesn’t want me, so I live with what I get.”

“I was the blind date.” Merlin’s voice had gone soft.

Harry fell back into his chair. “I’m sorry?”

“I was the blind date. I had broken up with Cameron because I finally admitted to myself that I had probably been in love with you for years. And I know everyone had been trying to set you up and I thought if it was me, you would go. And then you didn’t. So I packed my feelings away as best I could.” Merlin turned his head. “Go ahead, tell him.”

“Well it turns out that the Kingsman have been trying to get you two together for like 15 years. Betting pool kept growing because they had to repick dates a few times. All those blind dates, they were going to be Merlin.” Eggsy looked at them. “So they all knew for about 15 years. You figured it out what 8, 9 years ago Merlin. How about you Harry?”

Harry slowly grinned. “11. When I rescued you from Bogota. I was with Alana because never imagined you’d see me as anything more than a pain in the ass.”

“To be fair, I have always and will always see you as a pain in the ass.” Merlin quickly held up a hand. “And no, you do not make the filthy and lame joke you were about to.”

“So it isn’t that you didn’t know you loved each other, at least the whole time, it’s just that you suck at communication that isn’t about killing people and never realized the other person was in love too. Does that make it better or worse?” Eggsy asked.

“I think that what matters most is that I realized before Merlin. I realized before the great all knowing, all seeing wizard.” Harry grinned. “I win. I get the 20% of the bet.”

“Nae, we’ll split it, because I at least tried to do something about it. You just pined like a character in a Dickens novel.”

“Your something was useless.” Harry replied. “And I feel more like a Tom Hardy character than Dickens.”

“God, must you argue with everything I say.”

“Yes.” Harry said happily.

“So, gonna kiss for real now? Because that’s how this sort of thing should end you know. On a kiss, a big fat smooch.” Eggsy grinned.

“You are looking rather smug at the moment Eggsy.” Harry said.

“Hey ever since Kentucky been wanting to get you two together, and look - I did it. Even feels like I won the money fair and square now.” Eggsy kicked his feet up on the table. “Come on, without me you two would have kept this mutual pining thing up until the grave. Can’t believe for two such observant blokes that you were such idiots on this.”

“Feet down Eggsy.” Harry said. He then began to lecture Eggsy on exactly how and why this horrible miscommunication could have occurred. He was settling quite happily into the topic and didn’t even notice Merlin rounding the table. He did however notice the hand that touched the scars around his eye and moved to cup his head.

Harry looked up at Merlin who was leaning over him.

“Hello Harry.” Merlin said.

“Hello Mack.” was the reply.

“May I kiss ye?”

“Yes.”

For this kiss Eggsy didn’t whistle. It was too soft, too special to be interrupted. Instead he carefully pushed the chair back and stood up. He left, making sure the door locked behind him.

Neither man noticed.

**  
************************** **  
  
**

“Get your ass in gear old man. The bad guys are right behind ye. And if you drop that data core, I swear if they don’t kill ye, I will.” Merlin said into his mic.

It was Harry’s first intense mission since Kentucky and Eggsy was with him. Them fighting together was an incredible sight, Eggsy filling in the gaps where Harry was slightly slower now, Harry better at anticipating what their enemies might do.

“Oh like I’d drop it. Needed a gift for our three month anniversary.”

“That is not a proper gift.” Merlin said. “The door on your right 6 metres down.” He watched the two move swiftly. “A book, a dinner out, perhaps theatre tickets would be a good 3 month gift.” Merlin continued.

“Boring.” Harry said, ducking so that Eggsy could shoot. They went through the door and followed Merlin’s instructions until they were back out to the car.

Eggsy was driving them away, which gave Harry time to keep bugging Merlin. “Oh god, you got me something boring didn’t you. You did, you consulted some old dating guide and bought me like a mug.”

“Nae, I didn’t get you a damn thing. What the hell is a 3 month anniversary?” Merlin said, grinning.

“Oh.” Harry was quiet for a bit. “Really, nothing? Not even a mug?”

“Nae, not even a mug.” Merlin said.

More silence and Eggsy was trying to drive while not laughing at Harry’s pout.

“No, no, we are old enough, past our prime, that celebrating little anniversaries is silly. For the young folk. No we’ll just toddle along as we are, happy to have the comfort of each other’s company.” Harry sighed. “But really not even a mug? What about slippers?”

“I don’t celebrate small anniversaries.” Merlin said. “But I do big ones.”

“What constitutes a big anniversary then?” Harry asked. “A year, 5, 10?”

“30.” Merlin said. “If you get back on time, and are actually on time and not late as ye are for everything. It will be 30 years from the day we first met.”

“Interesting.” Harry mused. “And how does one begin to celebrate such an auspicious date?”

“By getting a marriage licence.” Merlin cut off the comms as he heard Harry choke on his breath and Eggsy yell, “Holy Hell, now that’s how you do a surprise.” Merlin knew they had been only dating such a short time, but he figured a decade of loving each other like idiots and two more on top of that of being friends, well they could rush things a bit. They had wasted enough time as it was.

**  
**Harry was only thirty minutes late.


End file.
